Fun with sticks
by Schizophren
Summary: Buffy and Faith accidentally find the entrance to the wizarding world, also known as Diagon Alley! See what happens next! Under REVISION
1. RoodyPooh

Fun with sticks

Author: Schizophren

Chapter: Roody-Pooh

We own nothing. Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon an Harry Potter belongs

to Joanne K. Rowling only the story an the sick Jokes are ours.

English is not out first language so do not chop our heads off for

evil spelling mistakes.

This story plays after the First in Buffyverse

And after the fourth book of Harry Potter, but before HBP.

Just a warning: Some Characters are very Ooc, if you don't like that,

don't read it!!

Buffy and Faith accidentally find the entrance to the wizarding

world, also known as Diagon Alley! See what happens next!

Faith kicked the stone hard and from afar a voice was shouting:

"Hey, that was my head."

"And it was my bloody stone, do you hear me complaining?" Faith smirked and ignored the loudly cursing man.

"He is your bloody watcher, B. So it was your job to take that bloody piece of paper and you didn't, so now we are stuck here in freak-

town. Nobody is speaking decent English here, who the hell says fag when they mean a cigarette?!"

"Calm down, Faith. And by the way it was your job to get that piece of paper from Giles."

"Okay, we both missed to get the paper, but I think it was mostly Xander's fault, 'cause he was running around naked again."

"Don't remind me, bad mental image. But do I have to remind you, that you have slept with him, you have seen him naked before."

Faith snorted and whined.

"You know I have made two big mistakes in my life, killing that guy was one and the other was sleeping with Xander."

"Back to the problem, we have to get that book and we don't have the address, so what are we gonna do now?!"

"I could be wrong, but I think the name of the store was something like, leaky or holey wasn't it?!"

Buffy's face lit up as she pointed at a sign across the street.

"I think you're right and wasn't it a witch-store, so it would be logical if there was a witch on the sign?!"

Faith's eyes followed Buffy's pointing finger and shrugged her shoulders.

"Couldn't do much damage, if we sneak a peek."

Together they marched across the street to the sleazy looking shop. The doors of the Leaky Cauldron swung open and the Slayers steeped

in.

"I don't think this is a bookstore." Faith said after she took a look around.

"Or maybe they are so good at selling books, that they don't have anything left."

"Yeah right B. they are so good, that they have sold the bookshelves with them and replaced them with tables, chairs and people and a

bar."

"Maybe these are the people who bought all the stuff." Faith just stared, Buffy waved aside her last comment and said:

"Okay, just kidding."

Buffy looked around the room and her eyes fell on a dark haired man in the corner, sitting all alone.

"I don't think he is the reading type anyway."

The dark haired man raised from his chair his robes billowing around him, his lips fixed into a permanent sneer.

"Are you talking to me?"

Faith laughed, looked him up and down and said:

"No I don't even want to look a you, why do I should want to talk to you, Mr. Roody-Pooh."

Buffy mouthed and quirked an eyebrow at the dark haired slayer.

"Roody-Pooh?"

Faith blushed and looked away. Buffy snickered, both ignoring the confused looking man in the corner.

"You are spending too much time with Willow. She is rubbing off on you."

"You have no idea, B." She paused for a second and then remembered what she had said.

"Hey, but he really looks like an Roody-Pooh, don't you think?"

Buffy cocked her head to the side and tapped her chin while she examined the dark scowling guy.

"At least I can see the Pooh, but I can't see where you get the Roody."

"How dare you make fun of me. Cause I am the great and incredible…"

Faith interrupted his speech, she screamed excited.

"Hulk, you are the Hulk." Buffy clapped her hands and asked with a childlike glee.

"Can you get green for me?"

The Guy turned red from anger, his nostrils flaring and his breath came out in short puffs.

"Not red, green, you get it all wrong." Buffy exclaimed disappointed, her smile fading.

Faith smirked.

"Be careful B. He is huffing and puffing, he could blow this house up."

"This house doesn't look too solid anyway, maybe it's wise to go, before he explodes." Buffy answered looking around. Faith snickered

at her words, till Buffy continued:

"We should stop mocking him, cause Giles always says, be nice to poor people."

Faith looked confused at her sister slayer and asked:

"How do you know he is poor?"

"That's easy, he can't even effort water, to wash his hair, of course he is poor."

The guy lost it at that moment and shouted, his face twisted in an angry mask.

"You two imbeciles, who do you think you are?! No one is allowed to talk to Severus Snape like that."

Buffy and Faith looked at each other and Faith whispered:

"Willow says it is not healthy to talk about yourself in the third person, it means you do not have much confidence."

Buffy nodded wisely and whispered back:

"He doesn't looks very healthy."

Snape had enough and yanked his wand out of his sleeve.

"You will regret making fun of me."

"Oh Faith, we must be careful now, he has a stick."

"Yeah right Roody-Pooh will kill us all with his stick. Really B. what will he do?! Throw it at us?!"

"Stupefy." yelled Snape. A white light shot out of his wand, right at the Slayers. Buffy and Faith sprang apart while Buffy asked stunned.

"What the hell was that?"

Faith shrugged her shoulders and aimed for her target.

"I don't care what it was, I will get that stick from Roody-Pooh."

"Shut up you wench." Snape shouted and pointed his wand at Faith. Buffy groaned while taking a few steps beck.

"I wouldn't have said that if I were you, but if I were you, I would take a long shower, but that's a completely different story. The last

time someone called Faith a wench, it ended pretty ugly."

"You are calling me wench, stinky?!"

Faith lunged forward, ducking two spells and tackling Snape to the ground, knocking him out.

"Faith are you alright?!"

"What do you think B. I am the slayer and he had a stick, of course I am alright." Faith answered and rose gracefully to her feet. Looking

at the wand in her hand.

"I will take that home, so Willow can take a look at it." Buffy shrugged.

"But don't point it at me."

Both Slayers spun around, as a voice called.

"What's going on down here?" Buffy pointed at the still unconscious Snape.

"He attacked us."

Tom looked from the wand in Faiths hand to Snape and asked in disbelieve.

"You have beaten Professor Snape in a Duel. That has never happened before, you must be a powerful witch. I bet Mr. Ollivander would

love to meet you, just tap the brick on the wall outside to get into Diagon Alley!"

Buffy looked at Faith confused and mouthed:

"Diagon Alley?!"

"Witch?!" Faith mouthed back. Then Buffy shrugged her shoulders and smiled at the creepy innkeeper.

"Do you think we can get a book about "Rituals in ancient England" there?"

"Of course. Just go to Flourish&Blotts."

"Thanks. I think." Buffy grabbed Faiths arm and pulled her to the back door, at which Tom was pointing.

We hope you enjoyed out first chapter, if you want there will be more of it ;D

Reviews are welcome, be nice it was out very first Fanfic in English.


	2. Bingo Alley

-1Thanks for no reviews . ''', and forgive us our spelling mistakes, but it was late, hopefully it won't happen again

Now enjoy our chapter oh and don't forget to review, please!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Buffy and Faith stood astonished in front of a massive brick wall.

"Okay... what now?" Faith asked, while shaking the wand in her hand.

"The creepy in-man said that you have to tap the wall with your stick."

"It's not my stick, don't forget it's Roody-Poohs, do I look like I needed a stick to anything."

Buffy smirked and said:

"No you don't, you have Willow." At that, Faith blushed and began to tap the wand at

random bricks.

"See, I am taping, but nothing is happening."

"Maybe it has to be a special brick." Buffy mused and looked at the wall. Faith stopped

tapping and turned to Buffy, with an raised eyebrow, she asked:

"A special brick?! Yeah B. on a brick wall, if there is one special brick the rest of them have

to be very jealous. So stop discriminating bricks and help me."

"Just give me the damn stick, I will try it."

Faith gave the wand to Buffy, she took a step forward and began to examine the wall.

"Giles says, everything has a weak spot. You only have to look for it."

With that she rammed the wand hard into a brick, you could hear stone breaking and with a

loud crash the wall came crumbling down.

After the dust had vanished both Slayers looked at the hole in the wall.

"Good one B. I think you have found the weak spot, but I don't think that was what Giles

meant."

"Stop complaining, a hole is much better, than tapping bricks."

Both stepped through the hole into a crowded alley.

"You think thats Bingo Alley?!" Faith asked looking around.

"I don't know, but I really have to buy the last Cosmopolitan, cause it seems I am loosing

my fashion sense."

"Don't worry B. You have lost it, looooong time ago."

"Hey, thats not nice."

"And you're not poor. So I don't have to be nice to you. Cause Giles just said "Be nice to

poor people."

"Very funny." Buffy deadpanned and started moving through the crowd.

"Oh come on B. don't be such a party-pooper." Faith shouted and followed her sister

slayer.

Buffy and Faith decided to take a look around, after much running and cursing they found

Flourish&Blotts.

"Oh look B. over there, isn't that the bookshop the creepy guy was talking about?!"

"How do you know that, did the books gave it away?!"

Faith didn't bother to comment and marched across the street, shoving people out of her

way. Buffy followed quietly behind.

They opened the door and stepped into the oddly smelling shop.

"You stay here and be a good girl, and Faith whatever you wanna do, just don't. While I ask

the shopkeeper for that damn book."

"Where do you get the idea I could do something stupid? Come on, I am not Xander."

Buffy looked over her shoulder and said:

"I just know you Faith." with that she vanished between the shelves.

Faith was bored. And a bored Slayer wasn't something good. She looked around while

playing with Mr. Woody II. Mr. Woody I had broken last week, Faith had mourned a

whole week, but Mr. Woody I died doing his duty, so it was a honorable death. Hey it

wasn't too bad breaking in pieces while dusting your 213th vamp.

Faith broke out of her memories of Mr. Woody I as she heared the ripping of paper.

Confused she looked around and her eyes fell on a cage in the window full of fighting books.

"Cool. what is that?" Faith muttered and stepped closer to the books.

"Thats awesome, I have to get a pair of them, so we could let them fight at home and bet on

the strongest one." She thought while clapping her hands and screaming.

"Go Hulk, I know you can make it."

Faith heared somebody muttering behind her:

"Mudblood."

She spun around, facing a tall man, looking like Spike just with longer hair.

"Yo bro. what's up? Are you talking to me?"

"Why would I want to talk to a mudblood like you?"

"Whats a mudblood? And by the way, my blood isn't muddy, I have seen it a lot of times

and it is not muddy."

"A mudblood is a muggle born wizard or witch. It is an insult of your heritage." A small voice

whispering behind her.

Faith turned around looking at a pudgy looking boy, with dark hair.

Malfoy looked at the boy and sneered:

"Longbottom." The boy squeaked and ran off.

"Hey, that wasn't very nice. Oh you know if he is poor. Cause if he is, you should have been

nicer to him."

"Shut up mudblood."

Faith glared and clenched her fists.

"Don't call me that. Blondie. You will regret it."

"What could a filthy little mudblood like you do to me? Cause I am the incredible..." Faith

interrupted him and shouted again.

"Hulk, you are the Hulk?! But wait a moment, can you turn green? Cause Roody-Pooh

couldn't he just turned red. And the Hulk isn't red."

Malfoy looked confused and with disdain at the young woman.

"What are you talking about? I am Lucius Malfoy, you should bow before my greatness."

Faith snorted and said:

"You remind me of Roody-Pooh. Are you two related?"

Malfoy lifted a blonde brow

"For Merlin's Sake, who is Roody-Pooh?"

"Oh right, my fault. I named him today, so you can't know him by that name. What was his

name again... hm...

Sivrurs Slap, or something like that."

"You mean Severus Snape?!" Malfoy asked in disbelieve.

"Or maybe that. Who cares."

"What have you done to him?"

"Go ask him yourself, he is still sleeping in the leaky something, right behind the hole in the

wall."

Malfoy seemed confused, but only for a second. then he pointed his wand at Faith.

"Not again. You have a stick too, oh thats great, I think I will start collecting different sticks.

Look thats my first one." Faith said and raised Snapes wand.

"Isn't that Snapes wand? How did you get it, you mudblood?"

"I knocked him down, but it was his fault. He pointed his stick at me first and calling me

stupefy, though I don't know what it means, but I think it was an insult. I mean, you keep

calling me mudblood, so perhaps you can tell me what stupefy means."

"You are really a stupid mudblood, if you don't know what stupefy means."

Faith glared and graped behind her, taking one of the biting books. With all her strength, she

threw it right at his face.

Malfoy screamed and lost his footing, he crashed into a book shelve, while the book was

trying to eat his head.

With a short spell, the book flew across the room against a wall, Malfoy rose to his feet and

looked at Faith, while straitening his hair.

"I don't have time for this." he mumbled and stalked off.

Faith smirked, but it faded as she heared Buffy's shout:

"What have I told you?!"

Thanks for reading, hope you had fun, cause we had!!!!

Till next time, folks


	3. Hulk who tried to eat the boy who lives

-1Hi again, we are back, with more insane jokes.

Be excited and fear for your mental health.

We hope you enjoy the third chapter and just one warning:

Write a review or else...

"I don't think the shop guy was really happy about us buying these books. I mean, who cries

when he sells something?" Buffy asked while the green book was trying to eat her hand.

With a hard slap, she sent the book to the ground. Buffy wagged her index finger at the

growling book.

"Don't try that again Mister."

"I don't think he understands what you mean." Faith said while her book was trapped under

her arm.

"See, Hulk is behaving himself."

"Who's Hulk?" Buffy asked after she caught her running book.

"Hulk's my book, I mean it is green and growling, it fits him. You need to name your book,

you can't keep calling him Mister."

"Hm..." Buffy thought hard and kept staring at the book in her hand, which was trying to

escape.

"What was the name of the guy you knocked down? Cause he didn't looked too healthy and

he was kind of growling."

Faith was thrilled by Buffy's idea, she clapped her hands and answered:

"Slappy."

"That wasn't his name." Buffy complained and shoved the biting book into her handbag.

"I know, but his name is Slap so Slappy isn't so wrong and I think it suits him."

"Okay, Slappy it is then."

"So B. what are we gonna do now?"

"We got the book Giles wanted, so we can go to our hotel. Our flight goes tomorrow

morning, so we should get some sleep."

"Oh come on B. its so cool here in freak-town, I don't want to go... Oh look over

there, there are brooms." Faith said and hurried off.

Buffy groaned and whined:

"Brooms, what the hell, does she wants to do with a broom? I mean, she can't even clean a

room, without destroying half of the interior."

With that she followed the dark haired slayer, it would be better, to keep an eye on her,

before she did something... Faithlike.

"Look B. They are flying." Faith shouted and tapping rapidly the hovering broom. Buffy

looked confused and asked:

"How do they do that?"

Faith deadpanned with a smirk.

"Magic?!"

Buffy slapped Faith against the back of her head.

"I know that too and please keep an eye on your book, its trying to eat the kid over there."

Faith spun around and saw Hulk trying to eat the foot of a teenage boy with dark ruffled

hair.

"Hulk come here." Faith shouted and all people in the shop stared at her, as if she was

mental.

The dark haired boy tried to kick the book away, as Faith saw that she screamed.

"Don't hurt Hulk, or I will hurt you."

With that she rushed over to the boy and graped Hulk in her arms.

"You have to keep an eye on your book, you cannot let it try to eat random people." a

bushy haired girl stated.

Buffy stepped beside Faith and said:

"Hey, its not it, its Hulk and that is Slappy." with that she opened her handbag and the book

shot out, right at the girls face. But before Slappy could eat her face, Buffy graped it from

behind and cradled it into her arms.

"Do you even know who your bloody book tried to eat." a red headed guy stated and

stepped beside the boy with the glasses.

"Ron! Don't curse."

"Sorry Mione." Ron muttered and looked at his large feet.

Faith and Buffy smirked and then Buffy remembered what the guy, Ron, had said.

"Are you a celebrity? I think I saw you an TV or something, aren't you the guy who wanted

to stay a virgin for the rest of his life?" Faith laughed out loud, while the boy with the glasses

blushed deep red.

"Hey you cannot talk to Harry Potter like that." The girl shouted angry.

"And why not? I talk to to Roody-Pooh like that and to Blondie too. So why not to Mr. I-

have-an-totally-average-name?!"

"You don't know who Harry Potter is?" Ron asked stunned.

"Of course we know, he is the guy Hulk tried to eat." Buffy answered and shoved Slappy

back into her hand bag, cause he tried to free himself and eat the hairy girl.

"He is the one who defeated You-know-who."

Buffy looked at Faith, both totally confused.

"You-know-who? Whats that?"

"Are you muggle born?" Hermione asked, not believing, that somebody don't know You-

know-who.

Faith gave Hulk to Buffy with the words:

"These people are really rude. First the point a stick at me and call me Stupefy and then

wench, after that blonde Bimbo pointed his stick at me too and called me mudblood and

now the girl, with the really bad hairstyle calls me muggle, whatever the bloody hell that is."

Buffy sniffed and said wisely:

"Giles always says don't insult people you don't know, maybe they are important or

dangerous."

"Yeah B. They look really dangerous, fresh out of the Hellmouth. I really think the boy with

the glasses looks a little bit like the sick little brother of a Turok-Han."

At that Buffy laughed while the bushy haired girl paled.

"How do you know about the hellmouth if you don't even know what muggle means."

"Cause we live there." Buffy answered cheerfully.

"B. do I have to remember you, that its closed now after the big boom."

"Oh yeah, I remember running and sweating and bleeding and you guys driving away in a

bus without me."

Faith just rolled her eyes, while the three teens, were totally confused.

Harry exclaimed:

"You guys are really weird."

"You have no idea Potthead." Faith answered patting his head.

"You can't talk like that to Harry Potter." Ron shouted while turning as red as his hair.

"Don't get jealous, cause he has a nickname and you don't. I will think of something for you

too. Happy?!"

Ron sputtered something nobody could understand.

"You cannot know what a hellmouth is, cause I read once that it is really dangerous, all

kinds of dark creatures are drawn to it. Only the for the Slayer it is possible to survive

there." Hermione disabused the two.

"We know that. Scrubby, I have lived on a hellmouth till it collapsed, so don't tell me how

dangerous it is. I have lost friends and loved ones only because of that damn hellmouth."

At that the three teens didn't know what to say, while Faith laid her hand on Buffy's

shoulder.

"Its okay B. They have no idea what it means to be the slayer."

"You cannot be the slayer, I read about the Slayer and no slayer lived longer then 18 years."

"You hear that Buffy, we must drop dead immediately."

Buffy laughed and looked at Scrubby.

"Would you stop lecturing us. We know more about the hellmouth and slayers than you will

ever find in books."

Harry turned to Hermione and whispered:

"I think we should contact Dumbledore, cause I think they are muggles and somehow they

found the entrance to Diagon Alley."

"You are right. I will send an owl. Just don't let them leave." with that she stormed off.

"Do you think that they know that we can hear them?" Faith whispered and looked after the

running girl.

"I don't think so. They seem really stupid."

"Of course they are, I mean if they really think they could stop us, to get away, they must be

stupid. Roody-Pooh tried it and he had a stick... Do you think they have sticks too? I

want to collect them and Blondie ran off before I got the chance to take his stick."

Now we are hungry and we will stop writing. Maybe we will write another chapter later.

Hope you had fun, and don't forget to REVIEW... REVIEW OR DIE ... harharhar


	4. More sticks

-1Back again! This is our fourth chapter! enjoy and don't forget to review!!

"What are you trying to do with these sticks anyway?" Buffy asked confused.

"I don't really know B, they are kind of pretty and they can do magic, so it must be interesting for Willow and if it's interesting for Willow it is interesting for me!"

"They remind me of stakes, I would have never thought anyway that you and Willow ended up as a couple, you two together are so weird!"

Buffy laughed and turned her attention back to the two confused teens. Ron scratched his head and asked:

"Who's Willow and who names his daughter after a tree...are you a lesbian?" 

Faith stepped forward and graped Ron by his collar and lifted him up till his feet couldn't touch the floor. Ron gave an high pitched squeak and paled.

"Let him down" Harry shouted and yanked his wand out of his back pocket.

Faith threw Ron aside and yelled excited:

"So you have a stick too, give it to me Potthead I'm collecting them and yours is still missing in my collection!"

Harry backed away

"Keep away, your mental!"

Faith smirked and was about to grab him as she heard several popping sounds.

Both Slayers turned around and saw a group of guys in black ropes with white masks. Harry screamed:

"Deatheaters!"

"That's really gross do they really eat death and how does that taste?" Buffy asked disgusted.

She looked at the death-eaters, with Faith beside her who looked almost as disgusted as she was:

"Are you guys like zombies or something, because if you want to eat me you have to fight for your food!"

Ron exclaimed while scrambling for cover:

"They work for You-know-who!"

Buffy turned a bright and cheerful smile at the black robed figures

"So you're minions I can handle minions! Glory's minions were not really bright so it wasn't a tough fight, I hope you're not very bright too, 'cause it's always easier to fight a foe who's stupid!"

One Deatheater came forward and said:

"We're here for Harry Potter so get out of our way and we will let you live!"

"Potthead, no you can't have him, I mean yeah sure we don't like him but he still has my stick!"

Faith exclaimed while looking greedy at Harry's wand.

As one all the deatheaters raised their wands and pointed them at Faith and Buffy.

"Uhhhh... more sticks!" Even while she said that Faith moved forward, Buffy right behind her

"Don't hurt them too much, 'cause Giles always says keep focused on winning and don't play with your foes!"

Faith called over here shoulder:

"And here I thought you never listened to what Giles said to us." Faith crashed into the first deatheater and with one punch knocked him out cold. Buffy saw one of them raising his wand and saying 

"Stup..."

But he couldn't finish his spell Buffy knocked him down with a high-kick.

It was over before anyone could panic, ten death-eaters laying moaning on the floor. Faith crouched down and began to collect the wands of the deatheaters.

"Look B. There are so many colors, here is a black one and a white one and a brown one...This is so much fun B. Now I can understand why some people collect stamps though this is much more fun!"

Faith bent down to take another wand but stopped and said:

"Ugh...there is icky slime on that stick, I won't take this one 'cause if I bring it home Willow will whip my ass!"

Ron and Harry run up to Faith and Buffy while exclaiming:

"Whoa you two are really strong how did you do this?"

"Now I know they are not pretty smart because they already forgot that we are the Slayers!"

Buffy whispered, both spun around at they heard another popping sound. But the man standing there doesn't looked like a death-eater with his white hair and his long white beard. Faith whispered to Buffy:

"You think we should take him down?"

"We better not, Giles always says don't hurt old people!"

Short but funny hopefully!! Don't forget to review 


	5. Volmorz and Ants

-1Hi guys, we are back again

Seems like you liked the last chapters, so this one hopefully too.

Thanks for all the great reviews, don't stop, cause its addicting. Okay, now on with the

next chappie!

"You don't have to fear anything from me, cause I am Albus Dumbledore, the

headmaster of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry."

Faith looked at Buffy and asked:

"Oh I am shaking in my boots I am really afraid of old people with long beards."

Dumbledore chuckled and stroked his beard.

"Somebody told me, that you two don't belong here."

"Tell me something I don't already know. Do we look like we need a stick to defend

us from guys in dresses with ridiculous scream masks. That is so not frightening. I

mean, come on why should I fear somebody with a stick, okay if it was a Bazooka I

would be impressed."

At that Dumbledore looked a little confused but caught himself and asked:

"You don't fear You-know-who and his followers?"

Buffy snorted and said:

"They are just minions, they are like ants, it doesn't matter how much of them you kill,

they always keep coming till you kill the big bad."

"Yeah and which big bad calls himself You-know-who? I mean there was somebody

like "the Master" or "the first evil" or "Glorificus the hell goddess". These are

impressive names you could fear. Even Caleb the mad Priest had a better name than

that You-know-who guy." Faith said looking at Buffy who was nodding in agreement.

"She is right, and if you know somebody who knows You-know-who, but who do you

know, if you don't know who's you know who... I am getting a headache and that

really sounds stupid." Buffy said rubbing her temples.

Dumbledore chuckled and stepped forward.

"His real name is not You-know-who... his name is Lord Voldemort, but most of the

people are not brave enough to call him by his real name."

Behind the Slayers Ron gave a pitiful whimper and tried to hide behind Harry.

"I don't care what his real name is, he is not brave enough to come himself, to get a

little boy. I mean he is not dangerous or threatening in any way."

Buffy nodded and looked Harry up and down.

"Yeah she is right. But don't forget, maybe there is something great and powerful,

deep, deep... really deep inside him that could destroy Volmorz."

Dumbledore who now stood beside Harry, laid a hand on his shoulder.

"He defeated him before, all of our hopes lie on Harry."

"He did not seems like a really big bad, I mean which big bad would let himself be

defeated by a twerp. He cannot be soo mighty." Faith laughed and steadied herself on

Buffy's shoulder.

The Slayers were busy laughing until they heard another popping sound, they spun

around and came face to face with...

Severus Snape.

"Hey look B. He is back and he don't even has a bump on is head."

"You seem to loose it Faith. I mean come on he is just a guy with a stick and you

cannot give him a small bump on his icky head?!"

Faith glared at Buffy and cracked her knuckles.

"I can change that, give me just a second."

Buffy grabbed Faiths arm, so she couldn't reach Snape.

"Remember Faith Giles always says If you have beaten a foe once he will not attack

you again, but if he does, you should smash him real good, so there won't be a third

time."

Snape sneered and made a step forward.

"Don't think I am afraid of you. It was just luck you knocked me out, it won't happen

again."

Faith pouted and let herself fell to the ground on her knees.

"You are sure I cannot hit him? Only once, he is asking for it. I am just doing him a

favor."

"Please leave my potions master in one piece." Dumbledore stated and took a position

between Snape and the Slayers.

"Oh and did you just say Giles? As in Rupert Giles?"

"You know him?" Buffy asked stunned.

"He is English, and this is England, of course they know him." Faith said and rose

from her sitting position.

"Didn't Rupert ever told you about the wizarding community?"

Buffy looked at Faith and Faith asked:

"Did I slept through that lecture?"

"If he ever told us, I did too."

Buffy turned to Dumbledore and smiled an bright toothy smile:

"We came to the agreement, that No he didn't tell us anything about Freak town and

stick waving weirdos."

"Then it would be the best, if we continued this conversation with Rupert together."

Snape stepped forward and said to Dumbledore.

"Headmaster you cannot do this we should perform obliviate and bring them back to

muggle London."

"Hey that's not nice, Mr. Slap, you cannot play with other peoples minds. That's

really rude, do you want a friend of mine to play with your mind?! Because I know

somebody who really loves his mind games and could drive you insane in no time. I

know what I am talking about he did it with me too, till I killed him."

At that Snape paled.

"You have killed somebody?"

"I wouldn't say that, sure I killed him, but is it still killing if the guy was already dead

and if he comes back to life and is still dead, where does that leaves you?"

Snape scowled confused and said:

"You are really insane."

"Hey, I am not insane, just remember I am not the one who is collecting sticks, its

her." Buffy whined and pointed at Faith.

"Leave me out of this B. It is your fight with Roody-Pooh."

They heard laughing behind them, the three teens, were laughing like crazy.

Ron was choking out:

"Oh my good, they are calling Snape that."

"Professor Snape, Mr Weasley, don't forget that." Dumbledore remembered Ron and

the three stopped laughing, but kept snickering, even Dumbledore seemed amused.

"Sure what I said Mr. Slap."

Snape was turning an ugly shade of purple.

"Hey, hey, Faith look, he is turning red again, he can do it on command, it is not

green, but it is better than nothing."

"I don't think its red B. It looks more like purple. And do you see the pulsing vein on

his forehead, it seems like he is ready to explode again."

"Ladies please, collect yourself, we should go to see your friend Rupert."

Faith raised enthusiastically her hand and shouted:

"I am a collector, I am collecting sticks and I already have ten of it. Different colours

and sizes, it's really cool."

"Lets go to the Floo station so we can go to your home." Dumbledore said patiently

and lead them through Diagon Alley, while Faith was whining:

"I don't want to get the flue, I hate it to be ill."

Okay thats enough for now. Hope you had fun, next one there will be the others, like

Willow and Dawn, Andrew and Xander too. 

Don't forget to review... I LOVE reviews...


	6. The Dumbdoor to Walmart

Thanks for your reviews and shame on all people who read our story and didn't

review. Is it so hard to press the review button and write "it's good" or "it stinks". But

now have fun with the next chapter of insanity.

* * *

"Do I understand that right, there are stick waving magic people out there and nobody

told me?!" Willow asked pouting and crossed her arms over her chest.

"But your magic is waaaay cooler than Roody-Poohs!" Faith tried to calm her down

while pointing at Snape.

Harry, Hermione and Ron sitting between Dumbledore and Dawn started to chuckle,

but fell silent as Snape threw them a murderous look.

Buffy smiled before turning back to Giles asking:

"Watcher mine, do you have something to tell me, perhaps about stick-waving

weirdos and Lord Walmart?!"

Harry choked on his hot chocolate, while Ron was clapping him on the back so he

wouldn't suffocate. Giles started to clean his glasses and cleared his throat

"Well... I didn't thought you would ever find out!"

Buffy huffed

"Really Giles you always say don't lie to people cause the truth will always come back

and bite you in the a...

Willow interrupted Buffy

"Buffy watch out some of our guests are clearly underage ...and don't forget Dawn!"

"Hey I have heard worse! Remember I'm living with Faith!" Dawn exclaimed.

"Yeah thanks Dawnie I always knew you looked up to me, I'm the big sister you never

had!" Faith smirked

Buffy sprang up from her chair

"Hey I'm the big sister!"

"Sorry B. Then I'm the bad big sister she never had!"

Buffy glared but sat down. Dumbledore chuckled and said with an twinkle in his eyes

"Lady's, back to the subject!"

"Dumbdoor is right!"

The old man smiled warmly and said

"We need your help."

* * *

Faith, Willow and Buffy sat in the Hogwarts Express. Willow was reading "Hogwarts

the History" which she borrowed from Hermione. Faith was throwing paperballs at

Xander, who was loudly sleeping in the corner by the window. It was a miracle

Xander wasn't choking on the twelve paperballs Faith was able to throw into his

mouth.

Willow stifled a laughter as she looked up from her book:

"Thats not nice, I mean he could die."

Buffy waved her comment aside:

"We can't stop now, Faith is leading, I am just not able to get my paperballs in his

mouth, see they are all over his face even in his nose... Do I get extra points for

that one, I mean, it is really hard to get a paperball stuck in his nose."

"No way B. We said his mouth, its not my problem, that you cannot aim." Faith said

and threw a thirteenth ball right into Xander's mouth. He snored loudly and moved his

head, so now it was laying on Willows shoulder.

Willow looked up again, first at Xander and then at the two slayers, who tried to hide

their laughter.

"I thought you love me and now I have a drooling Xander on my shoulder. This is my

best Shirt, I bought it just a few days ago."

Faith smiled at her girlfriend and kicked Xander's shin, he moaned in his sleep and his

head rolled back against the window. His mouth now closed, the paperballs trapped

inside.

"I don't understand why Giles wants us to fight against Walmart and protect that

twerp." Buffy complained while dropping her head into her hands.

"I know what you mean, B. And we have to work there too. I mean, I never wanted to

become a teacher, I hate children, I hate almost all people, why do they think it is a

good idea to let me work with children?! Don't they know I killed someone?"

"What does Walmart want anyway? I mean, what is his big goal?" Buffy asked

changing the topic.

"What every big bad wants, world domination, the death of all humanity, the

destruction of everything good and pure." Faith mused and scratched her head.

Willow looked up from her book and smiled softly. Cheerfully she said:

"He wants to kill Harry. And by the way, his name is Voldemort and not Walmart

Buffy."

Both Slayers looked at each other and said:

"Wow, what a goal." Willow rolled her eyes and answered.

"I don't know maybe he wants to kill Harry's friends too."

Faith laughed and shook her head.

"Willow you have seen the Twerp, does he looks frightening to you? And now think

about it, what kind of a big bad would be afraid of him and his little zoo."

Willow thought a moment about what Faith had said, shrugged her shoulders and

said:

"You are right." with that she began to read again.

"Do you noticed, that all of these stick waving people also have stupid names? I mean,

what kind of names are, Dumbdoor, Mr. Slap and Volmorz."

Buffy snickered at Faith's words and nodded.

"I know what you mean, and I think Dawnie will have a hard time, cause her name

isn't so weird, compared to the rest."

* * *

Dawn skipped down the way between the compartments, she was so happy to be in a

school where everybody was different. Yeah she was more different than anybody

else, but still all of them were a little bit strange and it would be cool, to use the

abilities Willow taught her, 'cause after defeating the First she learned to use the green

energy inside her.

She was lost in her thoughts, when she ran face first into something smelly.

She fell to her butt and cursed:

"Who the fuc..." she began but was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Miss Summers, watch your mouth." Dawn smiled brightly at the man in front of her.

"Roody-Pooh its you." Excited she rose to her feet and dusted her clothes off.

"Don't call me that." Snape hissed through gritted teeth.

"Okay, Mr. Slap."

"My name is Snape, Professor Snape for you, cause now you are my student."

"Sorry, Buffy said your name was Slap, but I really like your sneer, it is sooo cool, and

much better than Faiths, she tries it often but it always looks ridiculous on her. You

could teach her one or two things about sneering. Oh... would you teach me? I mean, I

can sneer, but I am way better in smirking, cause I learned it from the best. Spike

always said only the cool people can smirk. So I had to learn it. Hm... now I

understand why Buffy is not able to smirk. You seem like you don't want to teach me

how to sneer properly, but I know someone that could help you with your glare. I

mean, its not bad, but it could be better."

Snape interrupted her with the words:

"Stupid child what are you talking about?"

"Hey, be nice to me, cause if you don't I will tell Faith that she has to knock you down

again. Oh and back to your glare, its really not bad, but the real expert in glaring is

Angelus. When he just looks at you, you fear for your life and run as fast as you can."

Snape went pale, at the mentioning of the evil Vampire. He head read a lot about

Angelus' cruelty and his grandchild William the Bloody.

He had to talk with the Slayers about that later, even if he wouldn't like to. With that

he strolled past Dawn, his robes billowing around him and in the blink of an eye he

was gone.

The compartment door, to Dawns right opened and she heard a guy say:

"Wasn't that Professor Snape?"

* * *

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to review!!!!

Until next time...


	7. Melting frogs and burning Weasels

-1Thanks for reviewing... keep going. YOU ROCK!!!

The two insane sisters are back, so enjoy...

Dawn turned around and looked at a young boy her own age. Who looked remarkably

like Spike.

"Oh my gosh, Mini-Spike?" Dawn shouted and pounced on him. They stumbled into

the compartment and fell to the floor.

Laughing Dawn on top of the surprised looking Mini-Spike.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"Sitting on you, I thought it would be obvious... but if you want I can bounce."

Dawn started bouncing on the boys stomach, the blonde guy gasped for breath and

shoved her off of him. Gracefully he rose to his feet and dusted off his expensive

robes.

Dawn looked up to him and pouted:

"You are such a party-pooper."

The blonde guy pressed his lips into a thin line, his eyes flashing angry:

"Who do you think you are?! Nobody dares to talk to me like that."

Dawn stood up threw her hair back over her shoulder, she smiled a bright and cheery

smile at the boy and answered:

"I am Dawn Summers and you are?"

"Are you stupid or something? Don't you know who I am, everybody is afraid of me."

Dawn looked him up and down and scoffed:

"You are not scary. I have seen scary things in my life, you are not under the Top

10... not even the Top 100. My first date was a vampire, he was scary, he

was the first who tried to bite me and I screamed and kicked him, but I can honestly

say, nothing is scary when it turns to dust..." Dawn paused for a minute and then

said:

"But really, don't breathe while dusting a vamp, I tastes disgusting and I nearly

suffocated."

The guy looked confused at the brunette teen and sat down on one of the seats at the

window.

"You are really crazy, you should leave."

Dawn grew angry, she straightened her back and looked down at Mini-Spike.

"How dare you? Nobody tells me what to do. You know you are a very rude person,

you didn't even told me your bloody name. And if you don't want me to call you

Blondie-Bear, you better tell me your name right now.

With a frustrated huff she let herself fell into the seat across from the blonde boy.

His eye twitched and he looked out of the window while saying.

"It's Draco, now you can leave."

Dawn took a deep breath, trying to say Draco how rude he was and nobody was

allowed to be rude, to Dawnie.

But the door of the compartment opened and two familiar boys looked inside. Their

mouths fell open as they saw Draco and Dawn in one compartment.

"Dawn do you know who that is. You cannot sit in one compartment with ferret-boy."

Dawn tapped her chin while looking from Harry to Draco and back.

"Is that a rude nickname, or do you have a ferret." at that she grew excited

"Oh, if you have one, you must show it to me, cause I love fluffy furry animals."

Draco groaned and hit his head against the window.

"It is a rude nickname, happy?! You can go now and take potter and the weasel with

you." Dawn smiled brightly at Draco, while Ron started to turn red and Harry had to

hold him back from throwing himself on Draco.

"Oh I have better names for them." She pointed at Harry and said:

"My sister calls him Potthead and Faith likes to call him twerp, which suits him very

well." Then she pointed at Ron who looked like he was ready to explode.

"And I've decided to call him, the burning Headman... hey you could work for a

circus with that name, I mean only if you can do, what your names promises. Or you

could be the burning weasel, I'd love to see that, I would spend my whole pocket-

money if you do it..." Dawn paused for a second thinking hard and

rubbing her temples. Then she exclaimed:

"Oh, oh, I know we could name the show, "The burning weasel running circles around

the screaming Potthead. You would be famous all over the world."

By now both Ron and Harry were bright red and totally shocked, they had never

thought anyone could be worst than Faith but Dawn had beaten her without much

problem.

Draco sat in his corner, he chuckled and smirked at the two redheaded boys.

"Your family could need the money, you really should think about it. I mean, even I

would pay to see that."

Harry and Ron stormed off, the compartment door slamming close behind them.

Draco turned to Dawn, still chuckling, while exclaiming generous.

"I think you are not so bad, at all."

Faith and Buffy sat across from each other, both laughing hysterically.

"I am feeling bad, we made Willow leave." Faith said throwing a chocolate frog at the

still sleeping Xander. To the others which were already melting in his hair.

"I know. Perhaps we shouldn't have freed the last 50 chocolate frogs. Its getting a little

full inside." Buffy mused while taking a look around the compartment. It was full of

jumping and already melting chocolate frogs.

"You know what B. I think you are right but it was so much fun. I still have some

sticks I could give to Willow as an apology."

"Do that, it is not good if Willow is angry at us, she can turn us into chocolate frogs

and I don't want to be a chocolate frog."

Before Faith could answer, the compartment door opened. Faith shouted excited:

"Oh Mr. Slap is back. You want a chocolate frog? You just have to catch one."

"Yeah right Faith he is like the Terminator, we will always be back." Faith chuckled

and threw another chocolate frog at Xander.

Snape didn't know who the Terminator was, but a guy with that name couldn't be so

bad. But he had a reason to be in this compartment. Snape sneered.

"I have met your sister, she is mouthy and she has no respect."

"We have trained her well, haven't we?! We are soo proud of our little angel." Faith

said while smiling brightly at Buffy. Buffy nodded and said:

"What could we wish more, she is just like us and thats all we ever hoped for."

Snape rolled his eyes and scowled at the two Slayers, while kicking a chocolate frog

from his well cleaned shoe, leaving a smear of chocolate behind.

Buffy and Faith chuckled then Buffy asked:

"Do you want something, a shampoo recommendation, or fashion tips, I think purple

would bring your eyes out."

Snape growled, a vane pulsing on his forehead.

"Oh there it is again, living and healthy and with a will of his own." Faith exclaimed

excited, while pointing at Snaps head.

"Shut up you two. I just want to know how a girl barely sixteen talks of Angelus like

she had met him."

Faith grinned at Buffy and asked:

"Can I?" Buffy just nodded and shrugged while catching chocolate frog and shoving it

into her mouth.

"Okay... It is quite simple, Angelus was Angel, and Angel was Buffy's boyfriend, they

did all the things a teenage girl always dreams about. Dates on a graveyard, killing

icky slime monster, making out in crypt. It was so lovely, it was disgusting really. But

then she slept with him and Angel became Angelus again. And let me tell you

something he was quite nuts. He tried to kill Buffy and her family and her friends

even her teachers weren't save. Then he wanted to destroy the whole world, but before

he had the chance Buffy killed him... I mean, sure he was already dead, but after

Buffy killed him he was really dad. I mean, dad and gone... You get what I mean.

After that he came back and was Angel again,

still crazy but you have to understand that, nobody come insanity free back from hell.

After he managed to control his craziness, he thought it would be the best to be as far

away from Buffy as possible. And now he is the head of a evil law firm, but he is not

evil, at least I don't think so. Okay it wasn't quite so simple, but I think that were the

main events. Any questions?"

Snape couldn't believe his ears, he had read a lot about Angelus, but he had never

heard anything like this before. these slayers, were really crazy.

"I cannot believe Albus allowed you and your crazy bunch of people to come to

Hogwarts and put everyone inside of the school at risk."

"We are going to that school, because Dumbdoor wants us to defeat Wilbert and his

ants." Buffy said looking straight at Snape.

"No Buffy, its Willfried." Faith whispered.

"You sure, didn't Giles said Walmart or something like that?"

Thanks for reading hope you had fun...

REVIEWWWWW...please...!!!!

Until next time.


	8. Old Rich Men and Craziness

**Old rich men and craziness**

The two insane sisters are back.

Be careful reading, this could be dangerous for your mental health.

As you already know, we own NOTHING!!!

Don't forget to review and have fun with our little story!

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Buffy, Faith, Willow, Xander and Dawn exited the Hogwartsexpress, with hundreds of students. While walking down the platform Xander complained loudly:

"Why do I have molten chocolate in my hair? And why does my throat feels like sandpaper?!"

Faith glanced at Buffy, stifling a laughter. Buffy turned around looking innocently at Xander.

"I have no idea, I mean you've slept with your mouth open maybe something flew accidentally into your open mouth."

Xander glared at Buffy.

"What have you done?"

"Nothing!" Buffy squeaked, trying to hide behind Faith.

"Yeah she is right, I mean no one threw fourteen paperballs into your mouth. Oh and how does your nose feel, by the way?" Faith laughed while shoving Buffy away from her.

"Don't forget, you are the big bad Slayer, who killed the First, you should not be afraid of the sidekick."

"Hey I am not a sidekick......... fourteen paperballs?! And what's with my nose?" Xander exclaimed angrily raising a hand to touch his nose.

"What is a paperball doing inside of my nose?!" Xander asked and threw it at a passing student.

Faith and Buffy burst into laughter, which caused Willow and Dawn to break out of their conversation and turn around.

"What are you guys doing?" Willow asked.

Xander looked with puppy eyes at Willow and Dawn.

"They are mean to me."

Willow patted Xander on his head and said:

"You know them they are always mean, when they are together, you are not special....... but I have to say, Faith is still mean, when Buffy is not around."

"Hey, I resent that, I am never mean to you." Faith shouted smiling at Willow.

"I know sweetie, but I am your girlfriend and I am the big bad formerly evil witch, you should better not mess with me."

At that the Scoobies laughed and Faith smiled dreamingly:

"I love it when she threatens someone even if its me."

Dawn began to pluck on Buffy's sleeve.

"Hey, look over there, that guy is huge." All eyes followed Dawn's pointing finger.

"Oh my fucking God, I hope he is not evil." Faith said looking the giant man up and down.

"I am sure we could take him down, but we would be really sweaty after that and I hate to be sweaty. And with my luck his blood is green or some other weird colour and the stains won't get out of my clothes."

She continued and the group of Scoobies followed the stream of students to a bunch of carriages.

The Scooby gang looked inside of the carriage and Willow exclaimed:

"There are only four seats, and we are five people. so what do we do?"

"Dawn could sit on my lap." Xander sat generous. Dawn huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I am not five years old. And you are an old man, I will not sit on the lap of an old man, unless he's Santa, or very..... very rich."

Buffy wagged her finger at Dawn and said sternly:

"I will not allow you to sit in the lap of an old rich man, even if he is very very rich."

"Willow can sit on my lap, so Dawn has not to sit on the lap of an old man." Faith suggested smiling brightly at her girlfriend. Dawn sighed looking around noticing Draco getting in the next carriage all alone. Hastily

she said:

"I will take the next carriage, you four have fun. See ya." with that she was gone.

Faith just shrugged her shoulders and said:

"You can still sit on my lap." waggling an eyebrow at Willow. Willow laughed her cheeks turning red.

The four climbed into the carriage which made his way to the Hogwarts castle.

* * *

Dawn stepped inside the carriage and closed the door behind her. She heard Draco groan.

"What are you doing in my carriage?"

"Its yours? You own it?! I didn't know that, you own the horses too? Cause they are damn cool."

Draco frowned slightly:

"You can see them?"

"Of course I can, I have told you, that my boyfriend tried to bite me and that wasn't the last time someone tried to kill me."

"Somehow that's not surprising." Draco smirked at Dawn.

"Hey that's not nice?!"

"I am not nice! No one ever said I was, so why should I be nice to you?!"

"I bet there is a little frightened boy deep inside of you, sitting in a corner of your mind crying his eyes out, because he is all alone. And you are not letting him out, do you think that's healthy?!"

Draco stared at Dawn, she was really nuts.

"You are crazy, you know that?!"

"I know, somebody told me before. Now that I think about it, a lot of people told me, I wonder why?!"

"I don't."

"The psychiatrist said that I am quite normal, for all the weird things that happened to me. But maybe I am crazy and no one told me."

"Didn't you say, a lot of people told you before?"

"Yeah, but they don't know what they are talking about." Draco groaned rubbing his temples.

"Why are you talking to me anyway?" he asked confused, than he continued:

"You know Potter and the Weasel, haven't they told you about me?!"

Dawn smiled brightly at Draco.

"Of course they did, they have told me a lot of things about you and since then I wanted to meet you." At that Draco didn't know what to say.

Dawn looked musingly at Draco, who started to fidget under her stare, until he couldn't take it anymore.

"What?!" he shouted.

"Just musing. Do you know somebody named Mr. Slap?"

Draco choked on his spit, staring at Dawn in disbelieve.

"Do you mean Professor Snape?!"

"I said that Mr. Slap. So you know him!" Dawn said in deep voice nodding her head, tapping her chin.

Draco just shook his head.

"What do you want from Professor Snape?"

"Does he like you?"

"I think so. I am a Slytherin, he is the head of my house."

Dawn looked with big eyes at Draco her mouth opened, she took a deep breath.

"He is the head on your house.......ewwww..... that's disgusting...... I knew a demon once , before Buffy killed him, that could grew his head back, when you cut it off. Is Snape like that?!"

Draco stared open mouthed at the young teen.

"Nooooooooooo...." he said slowly, not really sure what to expect next.

"Okay back to the topic, you think if I am a Slytherin he would teach me how to scowl? Cause he is good at it."

"You will not be a Slytherin that's for sure."

"Why?"

"Cause you are a mudblood." Draco mused. Dawn just blinked still smiling at Draco.

"What's a mudblood?" Draco groaned, it didn't feel good to insult someone who was too stupid to know that he had been insulted.

"How can you see, that someone is a mudblood, I mean do you have some kind of special ability? Can I learn it too?"

"I don't have some kind of special ability. I will say it once, so that even you can understand it.... a mudblood is a person who's parents are muggles."

Dawn tapped her chin and then smiled cheerfully at Draco:

"I don't have parents."

Draco frowned, she was more stupid than he had thought was possible.

"Everyone has parents." he said like talking to a small child.

"Hey, I am not stupid. And I don't have parents I am just three years old."

Draco blinked not even showing any emotions on his face.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"I am sure it wouldn't be good to tell a crazy person, that I don't believe her."

"So you think I am crazy?" she asked sternly.

"Yes." Draco answered slowly, not sure what she would do now.

"Just checking. Been there, done that, still doing it. Someday I have to tell you my nutperson theory, just remember me when we meet again."

The carriage stopped and the door opened. Draco climbed out hearing Dawn shouting.

"I will see you in Slytherin."

Without turning around he said:

"No you won't."

"Oh of course I will, cause I am green."

Draco stumbled but caught himself just in time and went on like nothing had happened.

Dawn smiled brightly, she liked him!!!

* * *

That's it folks.... We hope you had fun!!!!

Until our next insanity!!!!

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	9. Smoking Dogs and teachers affection

Hey guys, here is our newest chapter, we try to update more recently now,

hopefully there is still someone out there reading this stuff...

If not.... well we had fun writing it, so we doesn't really care.

Okay, leave your review so we know you are still with us and tell us what you think of our newest insanity!!!

Have fun!!!

_____________________________________________________________________

"Why do I have to be the assistant caretaker to a man who I think must be a demon, because with my luck he will try to kill me, or eat me or have sex with me…." Xander whined sitting beside Faith and Buffy at the teachers table in the great hall.

The two slayers snickered and knowing Xander as the demon magnet he was, it was possible.

"Yeah you discovered his dirty dark secret, he is an evil, gay, demon caretaker." Faith laughed resting her head against

Buffy's shoulder who tried hard to keep her composure. But she lost it completely when Faith jumped to her feet shouting:

"Look over there, is it bird, or a plane…. Nooo, it is the hairy girl in all her glory." Every head in the great hall snapped into the direction Faith was pointing. Hermione, Ron and Harry had just entered the great hall. Hermione looked mortified her head as red as Ron's hair, trying to hide behind her two friends. Everyone who had heard what Faith had said, who was everyone, because she was screaming bloody murder, was laughing by now, especially the Slytherins.

Giles who was sitting next to Minerva McGonagall was pinching the bridge of his nose, while he said:

"Faith, remember what we talked about. You are now a teacher, you have to act like a responsible adult, you have to be a good role model for your pupils , you cannot loose your composure like that."

Faith straightened her spine and looked at Hermione's red face trying to sound as sophisticated as possible while saying:

"Accept my apologies, Miss hairy girl, I won't loose my composure like that again." Buffy tried to hide her laughter behind her hands, all the while telling herself, she couldn't laugh out loud, because she was a teacher now and Giles would be really angry.

It was Professor McGonagall's voice which cut through the laughter:

"Miss Granger, Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, would you be so kind to take your seats, so the sorting ceremony can begin."

Grateful for the interruption the three teens hurried over to the Gryffindor table sitting down, still shocked by what just happened.

Dawn sat down on the chair in front of the teachers table, all eyes on her. Professor McGonagall was standing behind her, holding an old, worn hat over her head. The moment the hat touched Dawn it began to scream loud and piercing, everyone's eyes grew wide, while Dawn covered her ears while turning to look at McGonagall.

"Is this normal?" she tried to be heard above the screaming noise. The Professor didn't answer, but her face told Dawn that this wasn't normal.

The high scream suddenly stopped and turned into a desperate plead:

"Take me off! Take me off!" When the sorting hat began to smoke on his edges, Professor McGonagall quickly grabbed him and as soon as the contact was broken he stopped screaming.

Stunned silence filled the hall, while everyone was still staring at the slightly smoking, now sobbing hat until a feminine voice said cheerfully.

"Well, that was pretty cool…. But does he scream different for every house?"

"No…. he hasn't sorted her, he… well I am not quite sure what this was, but it seems like we have to do it again until we get a proper sorting." Professor McGonagall answered, sounding unsure for the first time. At that the hat shouted:

"Slytherin, Slytherin, I am sure, as sure as I can be, but don't put me back on." Professor McGonagall looked a little confused, as everyone else in the room until Professor Dumbledore rose from his chair saying:

"That went pretty well, Miss Summers, please join your house mates at your new table so the sorting can continue." Dawn shrugged her shoulders and jumped off the chair, skipping over to the table ignoring the stares she received from almost everyone.

When she slumped down at the Slytherin table the dark haired boy in front of her grinned and said:

"That was wicked. I have never seen anything like this, let me welcome you in Slytherin, the best of all houses."

"Thanks. Glad to be here." Then she turned to looked at Draco who sat with a stunned expression beside the dark haired boy.

"See, I told you we would see us again, because I am green, the hat saw it too, at least I think so, but it doesn't matter."

"What for Merlin's sake did you do to the hat?" Draco asked, everyone else at the table also very interested what her answer would be.

"I told you, it's complicated. I don't have parents and I am green, that is too much for him. I am full of magic and mystery and sparkling amazing powers you couldn't dream of and if you could you would scream too."

That was an explanation no one understood, but Draco just nodded, he was expecting something like that from her. It seemed like this girl wasn't able to give one a straight answer.

She was grinning at Draco, she really liked him, he looked like Spike, just younger and available, that was something she really liked. Her daydreams were interrupted by a screeching voice to her right.

"Don't you dare look at Draky like that, he is my boyfriend, as soon as we finish school he will marry me and make me Mrs. Draco Malfoy, the richest witch in the wizarding world, so don't get any ideas you slut."

Dawn turned slowly her head to see a dog right beside her, she looked like a pug, just with longer hair and a far more stupid expression.

"Come again?" she asked leaning her ear a little closer to the probably female dog beside her.

"You heard me, I said slut, you slut!" Dawn nodded thoughtfully this time looking at the pug girl.

"Thought so." she mumbled and only seconds later Pansy began to smoke too and then disappeared.

"What the..?" Draco asked confused but couldn't finish because a scream could be heard from the teachers table. Everyone turned their heads and saw a smoldering Pansy Parkinson in Professor Snape's lap, staring frightfully at the enraged teacher. Snape's voice boomed through the great hall:

"Miss Parkinson, what do you think you are doing?"

"It isn't my fault, it was her. The stupid wench Dawn…" but she couldn't say more because a plate came flying with amazing speed from her right hitting her head and knocking her out of Snape's lap.

"Don't say wench, it is insulting and degrading, you cannot talk to fellow classmates like that." Faith said, her voice calm and controlled.

"Very good Faith, though I think the plate was a little too much, but you are making progress quickly, I'm impressed." Giles said nodding with approval.

Willow who sat beside Faith grinned proudly saying:

"That's my baby, she is so good with the objects lessons. See and you thought you couldn't be a teacher, but you already taught a student something worthwhile.

"That's for sure, she will never use the w-word again." Buffy snickered looking at Pansy, who sat on the ground holding her head.

"Miss Parkinson return to to your seat immediately and no more interruptions, did I make myself clear?"

"Yes Professor!" Pansy whined and scrambled to her feet.

"And Miss Parkinson we will see each other tomorrow in detention for assaulting a teacher." Snape said and Pansy winced, but the teachers weren't finished with her, because Buffy said, her voice stern, but her face full of compassion.

"Miss Parkinson, I know this is hard, but you have to understand, that a man in Professor Snap's position cannot return the affection of a student, even if he would like to." At that Professor Snape's nostrils flared while glaring at Buffy and Pansy limbed over to the Slytherin table her head still bright red staring at her shoes, followed by the whispering and snickers of the students.

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That's it, please review!!!!


	10. Lessons and pain

Hi everyone, we're back again with more insanity from hell,

we still own nothing and if you want to keep your sanity you better not read this,

but to everyone else enjoy!!!!

Oh and REVIEWWWWW or else...... *grrr*

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Buffy and Faith stood in front of a group of nervous fifth years, including, Draco, Dawn and the other Slytherins and of course the gruesome threesome consisting of Harry Potter, Ronald Wesley and Hermione Granger, with their fellow Gryffindors.

Buffy made a step forward and cleared her throat before explaining:

"Welcome dear students to your first lesson of how not to die in battle, in this course you will learn how to survive gruesome monsters and come out almost clean of icky situations. Form pairs and we will begin with teaching immediately but remember to take partners you hate, so you won't hold back attacking them."

Faith walked up beside Buffy, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Please inform us, if you are bleeders or otherwise handicapped, so we can take that into consideration of your partners."

While the teens paired up with those they hated Buffy leaned in and whispered to Faith:

"What now? The sentences we prepared are already used."

"I would say we just start fighting, because fighting equals not much talking." Faith whispered back.

"Sounds good to me." Buffy grinned and straightened her back.

"Please put your wands down, we will not use them, this is a hands on class." Faith said loud enough for all the students to hear her.

Buffy frowned when she saw that a few of the students hesitated to put their wands away so she just walked up to the nearest pair, who were Ronald Weasley and Draco Malfoy. The boys were glaring at each other both clutching their wands as if their lives depended on it.

"Okay boys now put them down, before you poke yourself an eye out." Buffy said and from behind her Faith could be heard saying:

"That wouldn't a very good first lesson. How do we explain that to the parents?"

Buffy turned around to look at her sister slayer.

"Well… it wouldn't be our fault if they poke themselves an eye out, either way it would be their fault because they are too stupid to keep pointy things away from sensitive body parts… or otherwise it would their parents fault, because you don't give your brain damaged kid a pointy stick." Buffy explained, but Faith tapped her chin and reasoned:

"But how do they know that their kid is brain damaged?"

"Well… they should, after all it's their kid."

"But what if the parents are brain damaged too, and too stupid to realize that their kids are the same?" Buffy looked a long moment at the ceiling and thought hard about that question before answering:

"It is not our problem and they sure have someone in the family who is not brain damaged, he should have said something, otherwise it would be irresponsible."

Faith nodded satisfied with Buffy's explanation, but it seemed like that the two students they were talking about weren't so happy after all.

"Are you calling me brain damaged? I know why can see it in him, but I am a Malfoy and for fifty generations I can vouch for the intelligence of my family, no one of them was, as you called it 'brain damaged'." Draco said looking down at Buffy, who was slightly shorter than him.

Buffy nodded and pointed her finger at Draco saying:

"You've got a good point there. So we can be sure that you just poke others eyes out and not your own, as it should be. So what about you Weasel? Are you brain damaged?"

Ron's face turned as red as his hair, because everyone was staring at him, the Slytherins slightly laughing.

"Wel… I… what… me… I never… my family… damaged.."

"I agree with you on that one. Give me your stick please, you can collect it after the lesson, but only if you can give me a proper sentence." Ron gave his wand to Buffy while Faith opened her mouth to say something, she shut it quickly again, then she asked quietly:

"Are you poor?"

Ron stared at the dark haired slayer, his face glowing by now, Draco snickered by his side, which didn't make things better for him and because he wasn't answering Draco said:

"Oh yeah… he is really really poor, just look at his worn clothes." Faith furrowed her brows looking Ron up and down, scratching the back of her head. Then she said disappointed:

"Damn… not only poor, but really really poor. Now I have to extra nice to you. Come here my friend, from now we will be not only best buddies we will also be partners forever."

At that Ron looked like he would faint any minute now. Draco was laughing out loud by now, then he turned to looked at Buffy saying:

"That okay with me. I can team up with Potter, I hate him just as much as the Weasel anyway."

"Oh, that is very considerate of you Mr. Malfoy, you are indeed a very good boy." Buffy praised him and patted his head.

"Now we have a little Problem, right Mr.. Croyle… wasn't it… anyway… I mean you, the big one, who was paired with Potthead….err… I mean Potter… hm… who do we pair you with?" Buffy's eyes searched the room for a while before she continued:

"Oh I know. You will pair with Dawnie…" Then she turned to her sister, who had paired with Pansy Parkinson before and advised her:

"Be nice to him… it's his first time. Hm… that leaves us with you Miss Parkinson…. May I ask you if you have any diseases and stuff, or is your name just a really bad joke?!" Pansy didn't answer, she just glared at Buffy who laughed and before she could say something Faith's voice could be heard:

"Careful B. it could happen that she tries to poke you eye out."

"Oh I would like that, let her come, but until then you will pair with the girl with the hair." Pansy immediately knew who Buffy was talking about and walked over to Hermione Granger who gaped like fish, she couldn't believe what was happening in this classroom.

"Okay, one more. Miss… of-whom-I-don't-know-the-name you will pair with….." Her eyes scanned the room again.

"Please raise your hand if you don't have a partner yet." Unsure in the back of the room a shaking hand was raised towards the ceiling.

"Oh… Mr.. Bottom.. Now that's wonderful, everyone's happy now and we can finally start. Faith would you get the instruments?" A few students gasped at that word, but relaxed when Faith carried a net full of balls into the room.

"One member of every team will come up here and receive a ball. You will then throw the ball at your team member, he has to catch the ball. The goal of this whole exercise is that you throw the ball hard enough to knock your partner down."

The hairy girl raised her hand and Buffy groaned.

"Yes…. Miss Hair."

"You cannot do that, we could get hurt, and what is it good for anyway?"

Buffy sighed deeply and looked over at Faith, she dropped the net and put both hands on her hips explaining:

"Listen up girly…We are the teachers, you will listen to what we say. If we say throw the ball you will throw the ball, got that… and by the way, how could you get hurt, the balls are almost weightless."

With that Faith pulled one big orange ball out of the net and threw it right at Hermione. She screeched and stretched her arms out, she caught the ball, but was thrown backwards until she hit the wall.

"See. That wouldn't have happened if you had any strength in your upper body, for which this exercise is very useful." Faith said turning towards the balls.

"Now everyone go to Faith and get yourself a ball. I will supervise."

Hermione scrambled to her feet and glared at the laughing pug girl.

"Let's start." she said with a huff. Throwing the ball with all her might at the Slytherin. But all her might wasn't mighty enough, because the ball didn't even reach Pansy, it just dropped to the ground immediately, which made Pansy laugh even more.

"You are so pathetic…"

"Miss Parkinson don't tease the weak girl, we are here to learn after all and you should not make fun of fellow classmates."

Pansy just nodded reaching down for the ball, but couldn't even lift it from the ground. She tried it for a few moments before she gave up and gasped:

"How heavy is this thing?"

"Not even 50 pounds we start easy." Both girls stared in disbelieve at their teacher, who crouched down and picked the ball up, with one hand. Then she gave it to Pansy, who had problems to not just fall over out of balance by this sudden weight.

"Now… continue." Buffy ordered continuing her round through the classroom.

Harry caught the ball in midair just before it hit him right in the face, but couldn't handle the weight, so he fell to the ground.

Draco laughed, pleased by his throw and that Potter was now sitting in front of him glaring up at him.

"Very good Mr. Malfoy. At least one of you has potential." Buffy said stopping by the Slytherin's side, patting his shoulder.

"Mr. Potter, I've expected so much more of you… I mean, don't you have to defeat a darkloard, how are you gonna do this without muscles in your upper body. Perhaps we should think about one on one training sessions, I am sure Professor Faith would gladly be of assistance. You will see we have you shape in no time."

Harry just sat at ground dropping his head on the ball in his lap, groaning, why did bad things always happened to him?

Dawn was staring off into space, when Buffy passed her. She caught the ball with ease every time and also every time when she threw it at Croyle he was pushed backwards.

"Very good Dawn. It is nice to see you socializing with fellow students, you are really a good kid, keep up the great work."

Dawn just nodded, waiting for Croyle to catch his breath and that he threw the ball again.

Ron stared at the ceiling knocked down for the fiftieth time, at least it felt like that.

"Just stay down…" Ron said to himself, trying to breath while the 50 pound ball was lying on his chest.

"Don't be a girl Weasel. I am trying to motivate you."

"Motivate my ass." Ron mumbled, not sure, where a girl her size got that power from. How could she possibly throw a ball like that?

"Did you curse, Mr. Wesley?" Faith asked in a dangerously low voice.

Ron rose his head a little looking at Faith's expectant face.

"No… no….never.. Not.. I have never ever cursed before… I just said you motivate.. my ass… really well…..?!"

Faith furrowed her brows looking down at the redheaded boy.

"Strange…. But thanks anyway…" Then she mumbled to herself:

"Maybe it's an British thing…. I should go and ask Giles."

Sweating, huffing and in pain the lesson ended, Buffy grinned broadly at her students.

"Not bad for the first time. Believe me with a little practice it will get better."

The students hurried out of the classroom, as quick as their hurt bodies allowed it, Buffy looked after them, shouting:

"And next time, we will play dodge ball and enchant these little balls to test your reflexes." While Dawn grinned excitedly and clapped her hands, all other students paled. Then they fled from the scene.

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That's it for now and I fully blame this insanity on the sugar rush, too many donuts from dunkin' donuts^^


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